In my car.
Turn the volume all the way up.
I want to feel it vibrating in my chest.
Sometimes I imagine tears rolling down my face
As if I was actually capable of producing them.
Sometimes I think about all the ways I wish my life was different.
Sometimes I think about nothing at all.
I could sit and stare into nothing forever.
Sometimes it’s easier to just feel blank than to feel
It’s summer now.
So much to do.
Not enough time.
No chances to pause and think.
Am I happy?
Is this worthwhile?
Fear of missing out.
The bane of my existence.
Probably just a symptom of a deeper discontentment.
Definitely symptoms of something deeper
I can’t articulate right now.
Chasing a feeling that does not last.
Can’t miss anything because it could be memorable.
Everybody is making memories.
Just don’t make too many without me.
Because I could get left behind.
Please don’t leave me behind.
I lost my sense of self.
I can’t find who I used to be.
Can you help me find who I am?
I think I’m having fun
There is laughter in these fleeting moments.
There is love at the root of this fear.
Why can’t I enjoy simple pleasures
Without worrying for the future?
These people are my friends.
People are like shifting sands.
These people are my home.
I know I need You Jesus
I know I’ve ignored you Jesus
I know you’re right here Jesus
It all sounds so simple
Maybe it really is.
Hurry will not control me.
If I can learn to rest.
The chase is not a waste of time
If I carry eternity with me.
I am never truly lost.
Because I know where my home is.
Do I really mean the words that I’m saying?
And is this really hope that I’m feeling?
Maybe it is faith
That fills in that empty space
Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing.